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News

The Xtremest Sports You'll Ever Find at BHS

[Wednesday Apr 30.08 ¬ 9:39 PM]

There are some of us attending Berkeley High that are a bit too extreme in our sports playing ways. Our talents surpass the ones needed for mundane sports such as soccer, or the ever popular football. The sad truth is, we are simply too great for the standard array of sports offered at schools. However, do not fear, for I have searched the school from top to bottom to bring you the most extreme sports you’ll ever encounter at BHS. If these sports don’t satisfy your taste for danger, then perhaps you may want to consider investing in a plane and parachute.

Ping-pong, while technically not a team, this club provides a an excellent outlet for all of your aggression. Especially for those of you that enjoy hitting teeny balls. The downside being you sometimes are forced to sacrifice your lunch in order to participate.

DIVING, although second in the list, this is by far the most extreme out of all. If you enjoy having black eyes, bruises, flipping, and splendid heat lamps, diving is full of notable enjoyment (and a few unwanted sexual encounters). However, take care, you may need to pay a dollar for every swear word that slips out of your mouth, or other orifices. One must be prepared to be extreme, and make a commitment to the team, for you only get good if you stay for more than a year, and after all, who would want to leave?
P.S. swimmers like to say the diving team is naught but a joke. They may be correct, but its the kind of joke that leaves everyone laughing for days.

Golf is not one of the sports that I have personally played, but according to a valid insider it is indeed a very difficult sport to play. Unlike other sports, golf is played by restraining oneself, rather than hitting the ball with all your might. This develops quite the extraordinary arm muscles. Plus, you will gain great self control.

Water polo is truly harsh on the body. Workouts include getting into a pool in the dead of winter and upright swimming sprints. Besides the vigorous violence which so often characterizes the sport, its the polo caps required that indubitably make Water Polo intense. The sport itself, since most do not know exactly what game play consists of, is rather like swimming met volleyball and then had an affair with soccer and never told water polo who his real father was.

The Laughing Club provides an excellent source of abdominal muscles which are created by the frequent laughter encouraged in this club. The club consists of daily laughing practices occurring weekly.

Crew, although the only intensity crew has spawns from the early hours in the morning you must wake up, I have enough friends on it for it to be deemed “extreme”. Otherwise it would have no place in this list. The rough workouts, intense boat carrying sessions, bonding crew relationships that some would call vaguely similar to a cult, being thrown into polluted lakes, and frequent inter-crew dating, make crew one of wimpiest sports available at BHS.

Track, OH COME ON, all you need to do is slip on some expensive running shoes and pant a bit. And sometimes do hour long workouts, why is this even on the list? It’s not like track provides a great workout, or like it would leave an inexperienced team member sore for days and on the point of near death. A runner would never train for hours, waking up in the wee hours of the morn to run a few miles or so. The short shorts . And track truly is not the only sport where one runs for three consecutive hours. Oh no, never, it’s in no way extreme at all.
…
Try outs start in the second semester, keep an ear out for them in the daily bulletin.

Xtreme Slug Chariot Racing, "Xtreme Slug Racing is a very vigorous sport that requires extreme concentration, however it is also extremely rewarding." -Admiral Yoyo Hollis (Team Captain, Vice President, and Team Members) Xtreme Slug Racing is the type of sport that everyone hears about, but no one is in. Maybe thats because its too cool to function. Or perhaps it’s because most don’t believe in it’s existence, a game or practice appear to have never been witnessed. Being accepted onto the team is by far the greatest honor known available to sports practitioners. If somehow you manage to make it onto the team, be sure to invite me to a game or two.

— Mai

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That Time of the Year

[Monday Apr 14.08 ¬ 10:20 PM]

It's that time of the year. Everyone, reguardless of the grade, is starting to come down with a bad case of Senioritis. (Note: This is not a real disease.) Many people can see the finish line, summer ,in sight and are afflicted with a bad case of ants-in-your-pantsiness.

Unfortunately, this is also the time when teachers find it immensely important to cram tons of brain cramp inducing work into a very short period of time. Testing is right around the corner, as well as final projects. Everyone seems to be steadily losing a bit more sleep each night. (I'm no exception, however, typing this is giving me a great excuse not to do my Ancient Civ. project outline.)

Also, for the sake of sounding official, we are in our fourth marking period. That's a heads up for those of you who need a grade boost before the year is over.

I'm not sure how helpful this piece is. It is late-ish and I am sleep deprived. Still, I felt it important to write something just so that you readers know that there is someone still here trying to keep the world informed.

— Lauren

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