Archived News Item

The Bible Has No Thesis

The education system is funny.

Literally funny, I mean, not disturbing funny. (Well, in truth maybe a little of both.) They do a lot of things, some good and some bad, but the biggest curiosity is the somewhat juvenile way that they treat their methods.

It’s like an obsession. Some official, many years past, sat down and spaketh, “This is how it shall be done” — probably on nothing more than a whim — and apparently having other things on its mind, the education system hasn’t bothered to change it since.

Take essays. Please, take them. Consider what they are: small, conveniently-trussed packages of ideas. Theoretically simple and harmless, all they are is a preordained method of presenting a thought.

No problem there.

The problem is in the near-mythical stature the essay format has attained. God did not come forth and proclaim Essay the keeper of the Divine Word; indeed, there’s nothing particularly special about the essay, except that it works. Just like a hundred other formats I could name.

In a loose interpretation, of course, essays are merely any short piece of writing intended to elucidate a particular subject. In this sense, they’re both innocent and unavoidable. If you want to teach students to write, they must write.

However, the “anything short and to the point” definition of essay has been largely eclipsed by the “Almighty set-in-stone structure from which we must not stray” one. You shall have this many paragraphs, an introduction, a conclusion, a thesis and supporting ideas et al. And god forbid that you don’t do them all in exactly the proper way.

Here’s a paragraph change when I’m not transitioning between ideas.

Here’s another.

And another! It burns, doesn’t it? I feel so dirty.

Anyway, it’s not that essays are useless, it’s that there is nothing inherently more useful about them than about, say, a persuasive piece written in extended haiku form. Would the second be harder to write? Probably. Would it necessarily be less complex or profound? Who knows?

Yet despite this, The Essay has become so entrenched in our teaching system that our beloved educators would feel lost without it — and probably afraid, because then they might have to actually read our papers, as opposed to merely matching it against a rubric of does-he-have-enough-sentences-does-he-have-a-thesis-does-his-conclusion-summarize-the-idea.

I point at successful writers, and ask: How many Hemingways, how many Tolstoys, how many Faulkners or Marquez’s or Shakespeares — how many of them would receive an A on a modern-day English paper?

Joan Edelstein drops a note:

FOR STUDENTS AT ALL GRADE LEVELS
Did you know that over 1/3 of Berkeley High students do NOT go on to a four year college after high school? There is, indeed, a next step for every person who graduates from Berkeley High. It’s never too soon to start looking at the variety of options available to you and broaden your horizons as you make the transition to life after high school. The PTSA is offering two Career Nights to explore these alternatives. The first night will be Monday, January 13, 2003 from 7-9 pm in the Little Theater (and we’ll have food). In the first part, each speaker will make a short presentation. Afterwards, they will have information tables so you can check out those that interest you, ask questions, and get some food. We will have representatives from several programs including (but not limited to) apprenticeship, wilderness education and study abroad programs, military options, trade schools, Community College programs, Americorps, California Conservation Corps, Job Corps, and even the FBI. Further details will be provided on campus and in the Bulletin. Please plan to come and invite your parents, too! If you have questions, please call PTSA President Joan Edelstein at 834-3672 or see Ms. Bled in H105.

The humorous, interesting, utterly off-topic link of the day: True Porn Clerk Stories, the diary of a clerk in a porn video store. [Note that while the contents of that link aren’t in any way obscene, they’re certainly frank. But hey, this is Berkeley.]

— Brandon