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Streetwise (Part 2)

You’re smart, you’re savvy, you’re confident, and despite it all, some thug has cornered you and is now politely asking you to donate to the Help Me Finance My Habit fund. Or several thugs. With knives. And unpleasant hairdos.

Okay. You did what you could, and circumstances have conspired to force you into a conflict. Now what? Now what? Now what?

Too late. Your window to act was lost. You’re lying on the ground bleeding.

But since you want to avoid that, you’re going to have to know what to do before the event actually happens. We’ll assume that you payed enough attention to Part 1 that you, at least, are alert enough to realize that there is a threat to you. Now what?

Welcome to your basic Self Defense Starter Course — add water and stir.


The Levels of Threat

All incidents are not created equal, and just about all of them will warrant different reactions. First, you’re going to have to assess the situation; then you’ll have to act. The assessment is very, very important.

You can break the various “levels of threat” into as many groups as you please, but in the end, all threats will end up falling into two categories: “Fight Like Your Life Depends On It” and everything else.

Scenario: a little kid, who looks to be 4' 10" and maybe 100 pounds, walks up to you as you’re killing time, and squeals, “Gimme all yer money, punk, or I’m ginna hit ya with my shoe!”

Do you scream and run for your life? Probably not. This was a very low level of threat. You aren’t sure if the guy is serious, but what’s important is that it doesn’t matter — even if he does intend to “shoe” you to death, you don’t feel that he’s a danger. So you laugh and walk away.

Scenario: a snarling, frothing maniac, drugged to the gills on meth or coke, 6' 4" and easily 250 pounds, carrying a nine-inch machete — he appears out of nowhere and runs at you, waving the machete and bellowing.

Are you taking this a little bit more seriously than the previous joker? Good Lord, I hope so. Not only does it seem more likely that he’s going to follow through on his implied threat (to chop you into very very very little pieces), he almost certainly has the ability to do so, which means that he is capable of hurting or killing you if you just stand there, blinking. This indicates you must do whatever you can to stop him, which means that you’ve entered “Fight Like Your Life Depends On It” mode.

These two situations are extremes, on the opposite ends of the spectrum of what a threat might constitute. In the first, there was no danger — nothing happened. In the second, there was a very clear danger, and the only apparent way of avoiding it was to combat the threat. However, there is a third possibility. Consider this scenario:

A middle-aged man of about your own size approaches you, holding a small knife in one hand. He nervously asks you to give him any money you have, and says, “I don’t want to hurt you . . . I won’t hurt you if you give me your money.” He does not appear drunk, high, insane, or otherwise irrational.

What do you do? Well, it’s your call. However, this is a situation where you might very well decide to simply hand the man your money — not because you’re a “sissy,” not because you’re lazy, not for any reason other than it is the best solution to the encounter.

You will need to make these decisions on a case-by-case basis, and always on the spur of the moment. You can run, you can concede, you can fight, and you may end up doing a combination. Some of the factors to consider are:

Factors that should not be considered:

Be aware of the difference between a “fight” and an “assault.” A fight is any encounter where you and some other folks start hitting each other. An assault is when you’re attacked, and have to defend yourself. (More accurately, a “battery” is being physically assaulted, whereas an assault is a threat or attempt to do so. Thus the term “assault and battery,” which is a frequent combination.) A fight is usually more balanced — if you have any hand in deciding to fight, then you’re not going to be fighting Jack the Ripper. But assaults choose you, not you them.

Measured Reactions

Okay, so, you’ve assessed your threat, and from your assessment have decided to fight, run, or do as you’re told. Fine. Now you’ve got to take your assessment and apply it still further, to learn how you’re going to do those things.

Running is usually straight-forward, though it’s not always easy nor simple. Similarly, complying with your demands is easy to figure out.

But physically resisting an attack isn’t as cut-and-dried. For one thing, a reaction that would work well in one situation might get you killed in another — or thrown in jail. Use your head. Breaking your boyfriend’s neck because he got a little rowdy is probably excessive, but tossing your hair back and crying, “Oh, woe, woe is me!” when you’re being raped is likely a bit too restrained. Bottom line: if your life is in danger, you have the legal and moral right (and obligation) to fight back with lethal force. If you’re just being hassled, respond accordingly.

Down to Business

So the confrontation has either already escalated to a full-scale fight, or you feel that it soon will. There’s a guy in front of you who looks rough, tough, and pissed. Now what?

Remember that you don’t get assaulted because somebody’s “looking for a fight.” The vast majority of muggings are for money, and if you want money, you don’t go looking for a hard target. Therefore, since your goal is not to “win” a fight but merely to stop the threat to you, keep in mind that you can often deter an attacker simply by being more trouble than you’re worth. If you can effectively resist an attack for at least a few minutes, make them chase you around, or whatever, then it’s quite possible they’ll just skip off in search of easier prey.

It’s time for the nitty-gritty.

First: If you have ever learned any martial arts, guess what? Forget everything you know, because it will only cause trouble. 99.99% of the martial arts styles in the world, including most of the popular ones — karate, kung fu, judo, tae kwon do, and so forth — have very, very little relation to real-world self defense. Probably the best background you could have (short of actual combat training) is to be a decent hand at boxing.

Why is this? Because most martial arts classes you might take have only a small focus on defense. There is an element of ritual, an element of sport, an element of conditioning, an element of religion, an element of art, and lots and lots of hitting the air. Between it all, you receive only a tiny amount of actual, applicable defensive training. Additionally, many martial arts forms teach some absurdly complex techniques that, while they look great, will never, ever be used.

Let me explain why.

When you experience an exciting moment playing a sport, you get a brief thrill, don’t you? That’s called adrenaline. It speeds up your metabolism, increases your reactions, pumps blood into your muscles, and increases your resistance to pain. Ordinarily, your body only encounters it in small doses.

But the minute you get dropped into a situation where your life is on the line, that all goes to hell. As soon as your realize that, yes, that man just pulled a gun out, and no, this isn’t a movie, your body instantly flips out and dumps a ridiculous amount of adrenaline into your system.

The response is very quick. Among other things, your heart rate will skyrocket. Within a minute or so (if not a few seconds), it will probably have doubled, and it may not stop there. You will lose all fine motor control at this point — any intricate tasks involving your hands or feet are out of the question, and larger motions may be difficult to coordinate. Your eyes will probably get a bit blurry, or more than a bit; odds are you’ll be able to see fine, but only through a strange haze. Your arms and legs will feel like lead bricks. Sweat will be pouring from everywhere, and your stomach will have dropped four or five feet.

In this state, you will find it difficult to do much of anything. Physical peril may push you into moving around some, but you will have reverted to animal instincts. You can punch, you can kick, you can wave your arms in big funny arcs, but if you can even remember how to execute a flying spinning back kick, the idea of actually doing one will seem hilarious to you.

“Wait,” you ask, “if the minute you get in a real fight you turn into a babbling ape, how do professional martial artists, or police, or street thugs do it?”

They do it by practice, and practice, and practice. See, once that adrenaline (and that fear) hits, you have reverted to your base reflexes — all your complex thinking is bypassed. So it doesn’t matter if you intellectually “know” how to do something; you need to have drilled yourself in it so heavily that is has become a part of your reflexes, ingrained in your muscle memory. So when you’re grunting and waving your arms around, you can be doing flying spinning back kicks too, but only if you’ve been doing them every day for years.

Street thugs, of course, probably don’t attend martial arts classes daily. The reason that your attacker likely isn’t having the same problem as you is because, to put it simply, he does this all the time. This might be your first time in a real-life fight; but he’s done it again, and again, and again until it’s casual, like blowing his nose. Hence, he doesn’t experience your panic, and therefore is in a much better condition to fight, regardless of how big or strong you are.

Got all that? Good. What this all has been adding up to is that (unless you want to spend a hell of a lot of time getting into fights from now on, just for practice), if you’re going to get into a fight, you’re going to be doing simple things only. Here are a few basic maneuvers that even the most addled person should be able to pull off:

Turn your body at about a 45-degree angle to your opponent (less is fine; you can even fight effecively while directly facing them, if you like). Bend your legs slightly, and place them a tad wider than shoulder-width apart. Hold up your hands — keep up your hands, no matter what. Hold your leading hand (the one on the front side of your body) about six inches from your body, and hold your other hand close, where it can defend your face. Ideally, you’ll keep both hand loosely curled, so they can open or shut easily, but more likely you’ll want to hold them tightly clenched. Learn to make a good fist; ask a friend or your parents, as there’s no way to describe it correctly in words.

From this position, you can . . . (all references to “left” and “right” are assuming that you’re right-handed. If you’re left-handed, just switch it around.)

The face is one of the best targets for blows — nose, eyes, mouth, ears, all are sensitive, though you won’t be aiming for specific parts, just the overall face. The disadvantage is that faces can be a little hard to hit, but overall, you should do all right. Never hit the back or top of a head, and never hit the forehead; skulls are really hard, and all you’ll do is hurt yourself. Faces are okay because the fat and other tissues provide padding; elsewhere on the head, there’s none.

The second best target is the groin, assuming your attacker is male. (The groin isn’t a terrible target for females, but it’s nothing special.) A knee or a foot between the legs can end a fight outright, allowing you to run like hell while they merely gurgle in pain. Also, it’s a perfect target for close-range encounters; for example, when Jimmy Rapist gets over-friendly, all you need to do is grab the goods and start squeezing, tearing, and whatever else comes to mind.

Your third target of choice is the torso, which is the easiest to hit but the least effective of all three of these. When you strike for their chest, aim for the exact center, a spot about four inches above the belly button called the solar plexus. Hit them there, and it will hurt, as well as conceivably causing internal damage; try poking and prodding yourself there, you’ll see.

Finally, if you can pull it off, the throat and the knees are some of the best targets on the body, but can be hard to hit in a real right, when both of them tend to be moving around.

One pointer about punches: punch through the other person. I know, you probably hear this all the time (“Follow through, champ!”), but it’s surprisingly important. If you aim at Joe Chump’s nose, he’s going to get a nosebleed; if you aim two feet behind his nose, he’s going to get something broken, and that can make a crucial difference.

That covers attacking; what about defending? After all, it takes two to tango, and while you’re hitting the other guy he’ll be hitting you, too. The good news is, most people on the street will only be using very basic strikes — usually hooks to the head or body.

The best way to counter a hook is simply to avoid it. Since they’re so easy to see, you can usually duck a high one, or backpedal from a torso hit. The other option is to block it; to block a hook, simply toss up one arm, more or less vertical, to catch the attacking arm (either on the upper arm or the forearm); if you make a successful block, it has the advantage of leaving your attacker open to hit them back. Don’t try to catch their fist itself — block their arm only. Fists hurt. And if you don’t want to dodge or block, you can often simply cover your body and face and take the hit. It can take quite a few blows to cause serious damage.

Weapons

If your attacker is carrying some kind of pole weapon (baseball bat, pipe, tire iron, baton), you’re going to be having an interesting time. Remember that a weapon changes the equation, and depending on the variables, you might have a better chance running or capitulating. Failing that, the best way to avoid a pole weapon is to dodge it; they’re usually slow-moving and can be seen a while before they hit, so you can duck or sidestep to avoid a swing. If you don’t have any choice other than blocking a pole, follow the same technique as blocking a hook. The important thing to remember is not to block the weapon itself — blocking a heavy metal pipe or bat will break your arm easily. Block the attacker’s arm instead; you’ll have to actually move forward, step in, so that you can reach their arm. This is utterly counterintuitive and will scare the shit out of you, but stepping back is the worst thing you can do; you’ll take the weapon where it’s the most powerful.

Knives. In a word, knives suck. An old saying is, “Get in a knife fight and expect to get cut,” and that’s pretty much the case. Dealing with knives is like dealing with nuclear weapons; you can lose or you can “win,” but no matter what, you’re never completely safe. A single gesture can kill you, dead.

You will almost never want to get involved in a fight with a knife. If you are carrying a knife (and I can’t imagine why), the equation doesn’t change much; maybe you can kill him, maybe not, but before he falls (unless you’re a trained knife fighter) the odds are good he’ll cut you too. You’re not going to be enjoying your “victory” much as you bleed to death.

If you have no choice but to fight against a knife, follow these rules: 1, try and find something nearby to fight with. A long pole-style weapon is good, to stay at a distance, but there aren’t usually baseball bats just lying by the road. If you can find something large you can use as a shield, that can allow you to block the knife while you deal with the attacker. Maybe. Anything large can be used for this — a heavy jacket or a backpack might do, depending on the size of the blade.

2: get the knife away from them. This should be your number-one priority, as it’s the best chance to make it out alive. Do what you can to keep the knife under control, rather than swinging around and slashing at you.

3: stabs are far more deadly than slashes. A stab to a vital organ is a 99% letal shot. A slash will usually not kill you, at least not instantly (though you might bleed out later, if you sever a major artery). If you have a choice, get cut, not stabbed.

4: if you’re going to take a shot, block it with your arm. Will it hurt? Hell, yes. Will you live? Most likely. Will you live after getting stabbed in the chest? Doubtful. The outside of your arm only has a few blood vessels, so a cut there will have little effect (a cut on the inside of your arm is less good).

And 5, as soon as you get a chance, run like the wind. Your chances will increase dramatically.

Guns. As common sense dictates, your odds with bare hands vs. a gun are dismal. Once again, think very, very hard before trying it. If you have no choice . . . your priority is keeping the gun away from you. Ideally, you’ll disarm your attacker completely, which robs him of his power and gives you the upper hand. But at the very least, you need to keep the barrel of the gun from pointing at you.

If somebody is pointing a gun at you from very close — say, the gun’s only about a foot away — then you stand a pretty good chance of being able to move out of the line of fire before a shot can hit you. Why? Because at this range, you only need to move a few inches. Step to the side or duck, then try to get control of the weapon — or disable the attacker as fast as you can. What’s important — of truly vital importance, with not only guns but any weapon, and with bare hands, as well — is that you never hesitate. That doesn’t mean you act prematurely. But once you’ve decided on a course of action, you must execute it swiftly and without hesitating for a moment. If you hesitate, the odds skyrocket that you will be hurt or killed. Again, that doesn’t mean “be stupid” — but if there’s a man holding a gun to your head, saying “On the count of three I’m going to blow your brains out,” (and you believe him), you simply must respond, because there is no Batman, and he will not show up at the last minute to save the day.

Multiple attackers

You’ll find that most muggers don’t believe strongly in the idea of “fair play.” They don’t want to play; they want to overwhelm you and get away fast. They tilt the odds in their favor by playing on your fear, by carrying weapons, and by uneven numbers.

Oddly enough, you’ll find that being outnumbered in a fight means less than you’d think. Obviously, with several attackers you’ve got more blows coming your way, and more people to keep an eye on; however, it also means they have to avoid running into each other.

If you’re faced with two or three opponents, your best luck will be to focus on one at a time — come on hard and fast to disable or stop one attacker, then the next, and so on. If you’re facing more than three, it will be better to spread your attention out. Do your best to deal one or two powerful blows to each one, then run. If you’re able to strike with suitably effective hits (for example, to the groin), you can prevail. The key thing is not to fall into a slugfest; simply because they have more shock troops, you cannot win a battle of attrition.

Keeping Perspective

There are a lot of people who seem to have an attitude of, “If anybody messes with me, I’ll kick their ass.”

In one sense that’s not a bad mindset to have . . . but it’s dangerous. Why? Because it locks you out from your choices of fight, run, or surrender. You end up thinking, “I’m a tough guy, I’ve got to beat this fool down.” This can be dangerous in the extreme. Say you knock your attacker unconscious, and instead of getting the hell away, you stand over him, laughing your ass off. He gets up, pulls out a gun, and shoots you. Great.

The important thing isn’t a specific rule, but merely the attitude change between “I’m here to win this fight” and “I’m here to survive.” Survival means you combine your tools of fight, flight, and surrender to do whatever gives you the best chance of getting away unharmed.

Nobody ever wins a fight.


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